Do We Really Want to Stop the Hate?
A deeper look into why we use hate to fight hate
I am an advocate for loving all people. I am also a Christian. I believe that we can love others who are different from us. We can love others that don’t follow the same religion, political views, or lifestyle we chose for ourselves.
During the quarantine of COVID-19, I have become well aware of how people treat one another. Social media is so full of hate right now. Articles from established publications are throwing fuel to a fire. The very people that have been advocates for love are now spewing hatred everywhere they go. This had led me to take a deeper look at why people hate each other and how can judgment and disdain for others bring about the eradication of hate?
What is Hate?
This seems like a simple question, but I have learned there is nothing simple about it. According to Webster, hate is defined as intense hostility, and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. It can also be defined as loathing or extreme disgust.
This definition brings out the hidden part of hatred. The part that most don’t want to talk about. The intense hostility and aversion come from fear, anger, or a sense of injury.
Where Does Hate Come From?
I will be the first one to say there are things I hate about this world. One of them is the way people treat one another. I am no angel and am guilty of mistreating others. For a moment, we must address the “why” involved with hating others.
Hatred comes alive when we don’t know the outcome associated with another person’s decision. It is not a feeling that comes from someone being different from you. It is the fear of the unknown. For example, your boyfriend cheats on you with a friend. Your reaction is to hate the boyfriend and the friend. Now what you have known has become unknown. The decisions of another person caused you to question what your future will be like.
This feeling also emerges when a sense of fear is involved. Most of us can say we fear the unknown. Unfortunately in America, we have developed a fear of Muslims. This feeling comes from a culmination of events that caused the loss of thousands of people. In 1996, Arab American was taken out of the FBI’s data collection. It was labeled invalid. In 2015, it was re-introduced due to a rise in hate crimes directed toward Arab Americans. That is astonishing to me. What we have missed is the fact that not every Muslim is out to kill us. We fear them, therefore we hate them? It’s as if we never learned two wrongs, don’t make a right!
Anger in people cause them to hate. Another such example is the political divide that has plagued this nation since 1776. George Washington made the following statement in his farewell address.
“However [political parties] may now and then answer popular ends, they are likely in the course of time and things, to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people and to usurp for themselves the reins of government, destroying afterwards the very engines which have lifted them to unjust dominion.”
He was warning us about the hatred that would come out of political party thought. Today, people label themselves Republican or Democrat. Some call themselves Independent. Because we once again fear the future outcome of something, we choose to spit ugly, nasty comments at each other. Social media is full of the line “If you support Trump, we can’t be friends.” Our anger stemming from what we feel the government has done to us causes hatred.
Hatred also comes from a sense of impending injury. With COVID-19 looming over us, we have become fearful. Our health and ultimately our lives are at risk. Everything in our world has been touched by this virus. Personally, I have been called out for my personal thoughts about COVID-19. Yes, I disagree with some choices made by our government, concerning this virus. I even disagree with how some of my friends feel about the situation. Does that make me hate them? NO! Am I going to unfriend them or call them out on social media? NO! They may anger me at times, but that anger should not lead to something as strong as hatred. It can be channeled into a civil, adult conversation that I may learn something from.
The Psychology of Hate
It must be stated that there is a psychology to hate. Silvia Dutchevici MA, LCSW is the president of the Critical Therapy Center in New York. She made the statement “we fear connecting because it requires us to reveal something about ourselves.” I agree with her 100%. Again, fear is shown to be a precursor to hatred.
When we read about hate crimes we wonder what caused this to happen. The racial divide in our nation has caused many hate crimes throughout the decades. As of 2018, the FBI has reported that more than half of the hate crimes committed were done so on a racial disagreement. Are we that afraid to realize that a person who differs in race is better at something than we are? It reminds me of the bully in high school. Just because he or she didn’t want to face their own problems, they projected their hate on someone else. We have a fear of ourselves.
Another psychological facet of hate is that it is usually directed toward a group. One person may be targeted to get a point across to a group. The lack of compassion for this group leads to anger. Anger leads to action.
For someone to hate another they must lack self-compassion. When we fail at something, we don’t say well I guess I will try again later or understand that we may not be able to do something. We lean on the negative thoughts. Those that say we aren’t good enough. Then we search for something to blame. All that negative emotion evolves into hatred.
How Are We Fighting Hatred?
In the 21st century, we are still fighting against hatred. We are still investigating and persecuting hate crimes. This astounds me. Our hate for another person or persons is causing us to act in a hateful way towards them. Again, two wrongs don’t make it right!
I asked the question, do we really want to stop the hate? I think the answer is yes. Then why are we, as a nation, preaching to others about love using hate as a backdrop.
One circumstance I witnessed was a woman who is in a same-sex relationship slinging insults toward the Christian community she lives in and the next breath says we should love all people. Are the insults she spews meant to show me or others in the community how to love others?
Democrats and Republicans are constantly throwing insults back and forth. This goes for political figures and individuals. Then they debate about how we are to tackle the issue of hate crimes. Are those insults meant to show me and the nation how to love others and eliminate hate crimes?
Within the Christian community, I have listened to denominational leaders and laypeople persecute one another. Then they preach God is love on Sunday mornings. Is their example meant to show me how to love?
I am truly perplexed. How can we stop the hate with hate? We can’t. To stop the hate, we must teach each other and the generations to follow how to love others. I am not sure the nation of today is going to accomplish that.
My Final Thought
The idea that we can fight hatred in our nation by bringing someone else down amazes me. I just can’t understand how anyone thinks this is effective. Disagreeing with a person or group of people is okay. We all don’t have to think alike. I will admit that I disagree with some people. I choose to love them no matter the disagreement. I choose to be an example of how to love someone even if you don’t think as they do.
Martin Luther King Jr. sums up my point with these words. “We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence of the good people.”
